Joseph's lullaby

If you're anything like me, you find it a challenge to keep a focus on the true meaning of Christmas - distracted by shiny promotions and images of Santa.  I try as often as I can to remind myself of what I should be preparing for this season, especially when speaking to my sons about Christmas morning.  Striking a healthy balance between a parent's joy of gifts from Santa and a Christian's hope in the Christchild is always delicate.

Few things help refocus a Christian's Advent heart better than seeing a new baby born a week before Christmas.  Their innocence and beauty stand in stark contrast to the world in which he or she has just entered.  I was lucky enough to meet my close friend's daughter the other day, and couldn't help but see the parallels to the Christmas season.  The same hope we place in each newborn child, the almost limitless potential recognized in these little ones, is really our Christmases manifest.

And this is why Christmas and our Christchild is so beautiful.  For one time and for all time, that hope and potential which all mankind enter into the world with, a child born rose to the challenge.

On Joseph

I don't know that there is a more "manly" thing than for one man to take, as his own, another man's child to raise and love.  This is essentially what Joseph, Jesus' earthly father agreed to do - and not under normal circumstances, either.  Yet, his willingness to love completely this child is fitting example for opening a place in our hearts this season for Christ.

This lesson was only mediated to me through song yesterday while at the gym.  I nearly teared up running laps when MercyMe's "Joseph's Lullaby" played on my iPod and I listened to the words closely.  It is a beautiful song, sung from the perspective of Joseph to his new son.  For one moment Joseph asks this new savior, "simply be my child."  All fathers want to protect their children from the harms of the world.  Unlike the rest of us, Joseph accepts he can't, if only for one night of peace.  

September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001 was a much anticipated day for me, a 19-year-old college kid, living on my own for the first time.  Barely into my freshman year at Rockhurst University, leading the day's agenda was finding a ride to a record store to purchase Bob Dylan's newest album Love and Theft, scheduled to be release that Tuesday morning.

Probably for that reason I was already awake on my bunk when the phone rang that morning, around 8:15 a.m.  A phone ringing early in our dorm room was not terribly uncommon, seeing as my roommate, Tony, and I had girlfriends at the same high school in St. Louis, who would call us before class on occasion.

Having recently moved into a new room in Corcoran Hall, Tony and I were adjusting to each others' living habits.  Our pressing tasks included tracking down the right metal bars to bunk our beds, when I'd be able to get back home to pick up my Super Nintendo for our room's second TV, and where in the room we'd place the second TV.

Things were settling nicely for us though.  So when Tony motioned for me to turn on the TV I figured it was some quirky request by his girlfriend, Carrie.  Without a doubt, the TV was set to ESPN or some sports network, certainly not news.  By the time we got to a serious network, the world had already changed and two planes had hit the Towers.

For the most part, the remainder of the day is a blur.  I know Tony and I saw the first tower fall, and then the second, speechless.  I know I called my mom back home who seemed equally at loss for words.  I remember going to my political science course later that morning as news cameras filmed our class discussion.  Televisions were set up throughout the the campus' more crowded areas.  The environment was tense. Purchasing that CD just seemed silly.

I'd like to wrap this up cleaner and sum up some thoughts, but quite frankly, ten years hasn't been enough time to formulate any.  God be with thosewho lost their lives.  

It's a kid's world, now.

An older friend, Katie, has told me on multiple occasions that Joanna and I make parenting look fun.  Katie, who has no kids of her own, has at least begun to think about having children.  Her hesitation, which I imagine is shared by many, is that children could limit her.  She, like many, enjoys traveling the globe, staying out late and sleeping in on weekends. 

The other day I was remarking to some friends about how long it's been since I've left for work with Joanna still asleep.  The odd part, most mornings, when she wasn't working and before we had kids, Joanna would typically be asleep when I'd walk out the door.  Now, she and I are up anytime between 5:30 and 6:30 with one or both boys.  Needless to say, I have not needed to set an alarm in over three years.

There are other areas which have also changed.  We go to bed much earlier, drink a lot less alcohol and watch a lot more Yo Gabba Gabba (which isn't all that bad).  But, these changes don't seem taxing to us in the least.  They are what they are: part of life.  While life today might be different from our previous ones, it is not without its charm.

The early wake-ups aren't always welcomed, but the little smiling faces typically are.  Buying a mini-van for a growing brood is expensive, however, packing my most prized possessions at the end of a trip in one is always priceless.  And, while I haven't seen the ninth inning at a Saturday night ballgame this year, running the bases with Peter and Thomas on Sunday afternoons is a victory for me.

Parenting is not always fun.  I'd be lying if I said otherwise.  But there are few things in life that remain in a constant state of "fun."  And, there may be people who have much more fun than me and Joanna, but I doubt they're more satisfied.

While I was out

So, suffice it to say, I've been out for some time and the blog has been relatively unattended. I've removed the cobwebs and it's safe to once again come back in. Although the summer brought opportunity to take advantage of the added free-time and blog more, I found myself wrapped up in abundant and fulfilling family-time.

Since March, Joanna and I have termed this summer a busy one with trips and tasks here and there, so much so that our Spring purchase of a mini-van seemed nicely timed (and installed DVD players an added bonus).

Although busy, the summer presented chance for much needed vacation and extended family visits. From visitors traveling to Kansas City to trips to Colorado and straight to Kentucky, the busiest part of the summer has been successful. Basically all of July was one big road trip, which really couldn't have gone better.

iPad 2

Aside from the vacations and visitors, I also (finally) got my hands on an iPad 2, which I am using to post this blog right now. For many, the iPad is an instrument for amusement and discovery. Mine, which will certainly accommodate similarly, will also be my companion in the classroom for the coming year.

I am trying to tailor my classes and student interaction to be more "cloud" and digitally friendly. My class presentation will hopefully profit from the iPad, too. My biggest challenge will be to remind myself to take baby steps with the technology and remember the iPad need not be an earth-shattering device to change everything, but one that enhances the educational experience for both student and teacher.

At first, I was looking for apps that would remove all obstacles, illuminate my students, and rid the classroom of the antiquated "way we've always done things." After quickly learning, "there's not an app for that" a shift in focus was needed. Which is where I am now: focusing on ways to enhance, improve and learn a new way to do old things.

Admittedly, I am a newcomer to the iPad and want to know best practices for the device in the classroom. When you come across one, please share. I'll try and do that same. Until then, do your best to avoid this heat!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:While I was out

Defend all involved

There was more troubling news for the Catholic Church locally yesterday, as an area priest was accused of possessing child pornography on his work and personal computers.  The evidence appears to be overwhelming against the man.  The diocese is also under scrutiny for the manner in which the area hierarchy handled the issue.  It is my guess that the scrutiny will only intensify in the coming days.

Long and short of it; Late last year, the priest in question took his laptop in for servicing and the technician discovered the images in question and reported what he found to Church officials.  According to Church officials, and confirmed by the police, the diocese contacted the local authorities to ask about the content's nature at that point, ie. did it constitute child pornography?  At the time, at least two opinions concluded it did not.

The church acted by removing the priest from a local parish, moved him to a cloistered living environment, away from children and around adults.  The priest, prior to this move, received counseling.  Under the watch of the local diocese, the priest apparently ignored parameters, including attending family and friend's events, and partaking in a local parade.  At this, the diocese again contacted authorities.

Today, the priest is charged with possessing child pornography, among other disturbing crimes.  It is now May and many in the public want to know why the diocese acted so slowly in bringing this news forward, news they discovered in December of 2010.  The city's newspaper editorialized this morning, questioning the Church's priority to that of victims or priests.  No doubt letters will follow, demanding resignations and further reform.

And, all of this is understood.  The Church and Catholic priests have a terrible past, one marred by the acts of many, and further protected by countless among the Church's hierarchy.  What's worse here, the victims are often our most helpless in society, trusting children.  These acts have destroyed too many.  But, I want to advise caution, while at the same time acknowledging the problem.

Admittedly, I am a Catholic, proudly, and my world view will be colored by that perspective.  However, I am also an American and I live in a nation where rules are in place to guide our proceedings, specifically in the legal realm.  Of course, the legal side of things is really only half of it; there is the court of law, driven by a quest for justice, and then there is the court of public opinion, fueled by soundbites and media speculation.  I defy you to tell me which is more powerful.

At heart of this issue is what should the Church have made public and when.  Due to the issue's past, many will say, it would be best for all if the Church spills its guts about anything and everything.  How else can we truly trust the Church again if there is not complete transparency?  At first glance, that sounds like a strong and compelling argument.  However, it neglects to take into account all individuals involved in these separate instances.

I can imagine that one of the more difficult roles in today's society is that of good-hearted, upstanding Catholic priest.  You're well intentioned, desirous of doing God's work, and tasked to shepard over a large number of parishioners.  And at the same time, suspicion clouds your actions and paranoia affects your every interaction.  All because you can't outrun a caricature in the public and you're always one accusation away from being ruined.

As the term goes, it's impossible to unring a bell.  Once a modifier is placed on an individual, it's hard to be completely cleansed of its resonating.  And some terms, more readily stick.  Just ask several lacrosse players from an elite North Carolina university, who still live under suspicion, even after vindication.  But, historical failings should never be reason enough to indite entire groups.

If the Kansas City Star and many in the public have their way, and they may still get it, anytime an accusation or suspicion is had over a priest, the diocese should release the priest's name to the public, remove him from service, and police should isolate him behind bars.  You and I know very well that when that man receives his trial, if it indeed goes this far, the verdict will have already been read loud and clear in the court of public opinion.  Guilty.

I am not advocating cover-ups, pushing issues aside, or ignoring the sins of the past.  But, I am saying, because of these historical failings and perceptions, we are compelled to tread with caution when identifying suspects for public consumption.  Remove them from power, scrutinize their dealings, and protect the defenseless.  But, do your diligence to substantiate any claim.  For we know, if and when the name is released, that man will have a shell of his current self left standing, regardless of a jury's decision.

Graduation day

Yesterday was graduation for our seniors, which is typically a very nice event.  As the names of each student was read and they crossed the stage, several names evoked pride and happiness within me.  This class' graduation (2011) also marks, officially, ten years since I received my high school diploma (2001), from an institution I am quite proud of, De Smet Jesuit.  Although a decade sounds like a long time, it has gone by quickly. 

In ten years so much has obviously changed.  Four years of college flew by.  Establishing a career, marrying, and starting a family in our own home took a little over half that time.  These bright moments are results of seized opportunity and God's grace.  I can only guess what ten more years will look like. 

Quite appropriately yesterday, and for the first time, the administration offered school staff and board members the opportunity to present the diploma to their sons or nephews on stage.  Of course, ol' sentimental me couldn't help but get excited for my opportunity (hopefully) many years from now with my two sons. 

Nevertheless, yesterday's moment and my 10-year anniversary remind me about time, how it flies, pretty much regardless of the amount of fun being had.  At Peter's birth, time stood still.  Now he's almost three.  I lamented to my wife the other night about loving THIS moment in life and wanting it forever.  She assured me that there will continue to be moments to love throughout all times in life, that it keeps getting better. 

I agree with her, certainly.  One day I'll look back and remember this post, or yesterday's graduation and how I felt my sons' time was so far off.  And more importantly, hopefully the time between these two moments will be marked, continually, with an abundance of seized moments and full memories. 

Low expectations: spring break '11

I am entrenched in the opening weekend of a much needed spring break.  And while many of my students and colleagues are wrapped up in extensive plans for their week off, I've decided to take a more relaxing and less creative respite from the hustle and bustle of the working world.

Every August countless teachers and students head back to school and every August countless teachers and students circle this week on their calendar.  It is every student's dream to head to exotic locations with their best buds and collect the most boss facebook photos to show the world (and future would-be employers).  Of course, once the week is over, those photos serve as only depressing reminders that spring break was then and Mr. Nickson's class is now.  Boo-hoo.

In the act of circling this week by August, I am no different.  However, my excitement at doing absolutely nothing distinguishes me.  Of course my wife and I talk about going places and doing things.  But, when presented with the prospect of being somewhere at a certain time, spending X number of hours in the car, and knowing I could get away with doing nothing, I will choose nothing.

That is not to say I'm lazy, or that I dislike my job.  Quite the contrary.  But spring break is special in its lack of schedule and expectations.  This morning for instance, my dog and I ran seven miles due to the fact that I didn't give myself an expectation.  Where ever we got, we got, I said.  This week, I'll probably go up to work quite a bit and get stuff done while the students are away.  But, with zero expectations, it's all gravy.

So while millions of high school and college students and teachers rush to make their flights, wade in crowded lines to walk through x-ray body scanners, and experience Montezuma's Revenge in their all-inclusive paradises, I'll be playing it hour by hour, enjoying my impending schedule of absolutely nothing.  Speaking of which, I need to get back to doing.

(How I feel this week)

To the muses

Sadly, and most surprisingly, this morning I read of Suze Rotolo's death last week from cancer at the age of 67.  Rotolo, the one-time girlfriend of folk/rock legend Bob Dylan, is most famous for the album cover the two share on The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan, considered to be Dylan's breakthrough album.

Rotolo never sold out arenas, recorded a great album of her own, or wrote a memorable song.  Her legacy, however, is far more than an iconic image captures.  For several years, Rotolo served as Dylan's muse.  "Tomorrow is a Long Time," "Don't Think Twice it's Alright," and "Boots of Spanish Leather,"  all trace their emotional angst back to Rotolo.  And while Dylan is quickly and rightly given credit for these beautiful songs, who's to say where any of us might be without our inspirations?  Here's to those who inspire us.

Hundred more years

Yesterday my wife brought my two boys up to work, along with a lunch for us all.  It was really special to share the afternoon with them, however brief it be.  My older son, Peter walked by my side through the halls where the students fiddled through lockers and socialized during their free time. Passing colleagues kindly joked, "new student?" 

Peter stands just above my knees and viewing him as a future high school student is a challenge to say the least.  However, soon enough his day will come in these same halls (hopefully) and I will watch him grow as I've watched five classes pass through this school already in my time.  I still feel like a new teacher sometimes, but now I'm running into college graduates whom I taught.

Peter's brother Thomas is our baby at home.  I barely remember Peter the baby, as he transitions to big boy gradually.  Soon enough Thomas will be big, too, and Thomas the baby will be but a memory.  Thankfully pictures and videos fill our hard drive at home to aid where memory fails.

The kids keep growing, and coincidentally the parents do, too.  A song over the radio expresses my feelings better than my written word ever could.  Francesca Battistelli "Hundred More Years."  Enjoy.

In due time

Several years ago I ran across a quite popular prayer and reflection by the Jesuit thinker Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.  The prayer serves as a lesson in patience and the promise of growth.   It reminds me, today, of how important it is to look beyond the immediate opportunity and onward to the things that may still be, but are very much hidden.  Often we desire so badly one thing of the present, only to be hardened upon its rejection.  However, years later, life goes on stronger and positively, full of a fresh and reawakened self.  I share it with this blog, as it remains a powerful reflection for me today.  Possibly, it may be welcomed for you, too.

Patient Trust

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient in everything

to reach the end without delay.

We would like to skip the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being on the way to something

unknown, something new.

And yet, it is the law of all progress

that it is made by passing through

some stages of instability - 

and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you;

your ideas mature gradually - let them grow,

let them shape themselves, without undue haste. 

Don't try to force them on,

as though you could be today what time,

(that is to say, grace and circumstances

acting on your own good will)

will make of you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit

gradually forming in you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing

that his hand is leading you,

and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself

in suspense and incomplete.


Patient Love- Attached (to the left) you will find a podcast reading of the prayer.  Enjoy!

Hello, again

Well, I've been less than consistent when it comes to updating this blog.  It has been a busy few weeks with finishing up grad school, starting a new year at work, and keeping up with family happenings.  A good kind of busy, but busy nonetheless.

The other night my wife and I were trying to figure out what fun activity our family could do together over the weekend.  The discussion briefly took us to the topic of Chuck E. Cheese Pizza.  Although we recognize our kids are yet too young to enjoy the atmosphere, it brought back funny memories for me of Showbiz Pizza, its one-time rival and eventual business partner.

This memory took me to the web, where I quickly stumbled upon videos of the musical animatronics.  Apparently someone still has the old robots and is using them to create new performances of some of today's more popular radio hits.  And while I never saw the Rock-afire Explosion Band perform Usher's "Love in the Club" its humorous rendition brings back memories of birthday parties and post-soccer season celebrations.

Footing the bill to college!

Last weekend we were lucky to take the boys to an indoor soccer game at the new Independence Event Center with a few friends and their kids.  Ever since the game our boys have really been loving playing their own version of the fast-paced game in our basement.  Yes, it is true, our youngest has yet to even crawl, but he still loves participating with his very active, older brother.  I caught a quick excerpt from their last match- before, of course, a riot broke out in the stands.

As you can see, our youngest is anything but a push over, and quite clearly already a standout talent.  We have sent this video to several D-1 schools and have opted to forgo a college savings plan, judging by how likely it is he and, in reality, his brother both will be receiving full scholarships!  We just couldn't be happier.  

Winter blues

Even I have to admit there's a very brief period of appreciation for the freshly fallen snow and its pristine beauty.  But three minutes later I'm going crazy, ready to hop a flight to Mexico.  I would do it too if I didn't have the endless responsibility of shoveling and then reshoveling snow (yesterday I shoveled three times before nightfall.)

Luckily for me, today was a snow day at school.  And it's always great to get the call, or in this case, text, that school has been canceled.  This is the third snow day in two weeks, so we've had our share of rest.  Don't get me wrong, I love my days off as much as the next person.  But joy is only temporary as you begin to realize why you're actually out of school.  Reality hits when you want to get out of your house and off the property you've been shoveling for weeks, only to find you're snowed in!

I've about hit that point of winter madness or snow time blues.  It's taking its toll.  Real productivity and heavy snowfall seem to be inversely correlated in my life:  The more the snow falls, the less I seem able to get done.  I've created a chart to demonstrate my recent struggles, because everyone knows charts don't lie!

New you resolutions

I again chose not to participate in a New Year's resolution at the start of 2011.  In truth, they have never really been a practice of mine and not for lack of things worth changing or fixing.  To make resolutions is healthy human nature, of course.  It shows we are ready to grow.

It's not too late for me, though, to throw my hat in the ring and give it a try.  If I could influence one element of my life for the better, it would be in reducing moments of regret.  Regret of course is a discomfort or an unsettling one feels after their own action or inaction.  Regret often manifests itself after making a clumsy decision, or impulsively reacting.  It also waits behind, lurking for us to say no to a good opportunity met with varying levels of resistance; a missed chance, a moment of inaction.

Regret is fortunately not an unforeseen side-effect.  Rarely are people completely sideswiped by regret.  Our hearts are filled with tools to recognize moments of grace, if you would, and consolation.  These "hints" try to direct or aid each of us in the right decisions.  But even our heart's inclinations are often ignored or misdirected, choosing the immediate over the sustainable.

Opportunity: Alarm goes off.  Response: I'd rather sleep another hour than run.  

Opp: An old friend calls.  Re: I'm just too busy to talk right now.  

Opp: The opportunity arises to see an elderly loved one.  Re: We can catch up next visit.  

The situations above offer varying chances at possible regret.  Missing a morning run, I'll concede, is trivial in comparison to missing a chance at telling a loved one how you feel about them.   Regardless, the reality remains, our lives are a collection of moments, seized or otherwise.  Answering the small calls prepares us for the harder ones.

Several months ago I had an opportunity to be a faculty leader on a student retreat.  Students shared touching stories and testimonials with their peers and many expressed the pain they felt in ignoring these natural inclinations.  I've experienced enough of this pain, too, to know that regret can take its toll.  Nobody likes to look in the rearview mirror and see countless moments that could have gone better.

So for the upcoming year, and hopefully well beyond, I'm going to try and affirm these desires of the heart and hopefully avoid the moments of regret.  It is my hope that such decisions will lead to a life looking forward to the future, as opposed to peering backward to the past at what could have been.

Kindles and kids

One of my favorite gifts of the holiday season has been my Amazon Kindle.  In fact, I couldn't wait to open it upon its arrival, two weeks before the big day, in a clearly marked Amazon box, fit only for a Kindle, of course.  But that's another story entirely...

But, nevertheless, the box is open and the device, a digital reader, has been nothing if not intellectually captivating, with its endless opportunities for continuous discovery.  This excites me.  Nerdy, right?  I like to think that I came to an appreciation for the whole 'quest for knowledge' thing later in life; after high school and college.  This is not to say I did poorly in college.  However, after starting grad school a year ago January, an excitement for learning has been awakened within.

The Kindle only serves as aid to my newfound appreciation.  Amazon offers a vast library of digital works.  Many out-of-copyright classics are offered free to download or are quite inexpensive.  Libraries are more commonly offering digital versions of books for rental.  And, I've even downloaded a textbook for my current class on the American presidency to the device.  Overall, the Kindle has proved a great gift.

But wait...

Soon after the birth of our first son, I entered what I can only call a period of introspection.  This is probably natural for new moms and dads with the prospects of molding happy and socially healthy sons and daughters.  The fact that my children will first learn from me and their mother is a powerful thought.  Therefore, the earliest actions observed are quite important.  Of course, with intention, we stress important qualities like love, forgiveness, and sympathy in our daily interactions.  But what about the less intentional, observed actions that also display where we place value and how we proceed?

I've had an iPhone longer than I've had children.  My wife has an iPod touch, which at home operates similarly.  I have tried to limit how frequently I use the device in front of my children, as I feel it could send mixed messages with regards to proper communication skills and fear such devices can present obstacles to active listening.  And I am also conscientious about how my kids feel about me giving divided attention to, at most, a glorified facebook checker.

The Kindle is different though in its content.  Rather than surfing mindless tweets or emails, contents of a substantive nature are more characteristic.  I know this.  My wife knows this.  But do my children?  Before we had the Kindle, we subscribed to the Kansas City Star and I would read the paper in front of my children.  Now, I receive the e-version of the same Star, but the Kindle fetches it.  The same is the case with the books I am currently reading.

In most studies aimed at getting kids excited about reading, often the best tip is to read in front of your children.  Show them you love to read, too.  Does using an electronic device change this?  Maybe not.  But, as more and more kids are raised around iPads, Kindles, and Nooks, less kids will be able to differentiate Mom and Dad's Kindle content as newspaper or video game.  The observation becomes: Dad's on his device.  And instead of valuing the act of reading as Dad does, the value is in the device, rather than the practice of reading and decoding.  The parameters of an iPad or Kindle are far different from those of a sports magazine or mystery book.  Just doing anything on an iPad or Kindle is a far cry from just simply reading anything.